Monday, 6 July 2026

Let's slow down !!

This 30-60seconds reel culture is taking too much from us. I find people losing interest halfway through conversations. Their minds wander if someone speaks for more than a few seconds.

Why are we rushing so much? And to reach where?

Why do people ask, "Can you quickly tell me in short what happened?" or "Is there any short lecture available on YouTube for this content?" How can something be told or taught in gist if it actually contains too much . But nobody has time for anything that is lengthy and deep . And in trying to consume everything quickly, we are slowly becoming shallow, constantly anxious to know what comes next instead of fully experiencing what is here.
Do you realise how much a person wants to say but doesn't? Not because they don't trust us, but because the time and space we offer are often too small for them to pour their heart into. This is the reason why so many people feel chronically lonely.The more time and space we give someone, the better listeners we become . When you listen carefully,slowly your mind & heart starts analysing the situation and that eventually will make you more  empathetic,kind and compassionate.

I love taking pauses while talking, whether in person or over a phone call. Those little pauses allow me to absorb the other person's emotions and they also encourage people to express themselves and tell me what exactly they are going through.
Human beings exist in countless layers. To discover them, we must be fully present.Someone telling you that they are excited for their new beginning in career in one breath  is insanely excited and someone telling the same sentence with a deep exhale and a pause can mean that they are scared as well and tired of what they went through in the entire journey to achieve it .
Someone telling you about an event may go further to add how badly they regret hurting their parents last Tuesday when you genuinely listen.
I love it when someone asks me, "How is life?" and actually waits for the complete answer without looking at their phone or mentally checking out before I finish even the shortest sentence.
I love listening when people describe the architectural beauty of a city they recently visited, the fascinating history narrated by local guides that enriched their knowledge, the delicious food they ate after descending from the mountains with mouths watering as they recall every bite, or how they bargained for a chikankari kurta and finally found the exact colour they had been searching for.
I listen as though I am living those moments with them.
How cute and charming one looks while presenting their excitement and happiness .It is so mesmerizing to see how beautifully little things affect humans, just like to a child in kindergarten.
It is not always about us where we can add beautiful tags to the pages of our lives ,sometimes it is about experiencing someone else's life so deeply through conversation that their memories quietly become a part of ours too.

I still remember a conversation from nine years ago. A friend told me about her uncle battling a deadly disease and eventually recovering. I still remember the exact number of therapy sessions he underwent because I was emotionally engrossed throughout that conversation.

We often see people hear someone sharing their pain only to respond with ,"You can't even imagine what I've been through."
First of all , congratulations to them for winning the award of suffering the most. But someone else's pain does not become smaller simply because yours was bigger. This behaviour creates an invisible competition over suffering even if you don't mean it.
Why the hurry?
Let's prefer not to interrupt anybody when they speak about their life problems even if we have bigger ones similar to that situation .we can wait till they finish and if it is significant to mention then we can add our story at the end without underestimating their experiences.
We often fail to recognise the weight people silently carry within them.
Sometimes, simply lending an ear can do what no prescription can.One meaningful conversation with our parents, siblings, partner, colleagues, seniors, friends, or even a stranger can calm a restless nervous system in ways we rarely acknowledge.

Life is certainly short.But what is the purpose of rushing through it if we never truly feel it?
We are all in a hurry to reach the finish line, forgetting that living was always meant to happen along the way.

If you make someone feel understood, heard and emotionally validated, then you are being a human in the best way possible.

Perhaps that is both the least and the most every soul truly needs.

So let's slow down.
Listen.
Talk.
Feel.
Speak.
Express.
The world can wait a few more minutes.









 

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

A sinful woman ??

Draupadi
If you know even a bit about Indian  mythology ..you must be knowing this lady.. and you must not be having a very good image of hers .. !!
We judge people because of the false notions about history .
One cannot dispel misunderstandings but can surely try to know more.

Princess of panchal 

Draupadi .  . .after returning from her training in Statescraft under archarya upayaja  , expected to be the part of governing kingdom ..  She by now considered herself  capable of sharing the load of her father & brothers, something she was dying to do from ages .
While discussing the biggest issue of that time,"The  KURUS" , her father told her that she would be playing the biggest role in this political game.
She was more than ecstatic to hear this. But what is she supposed to do? Biggest role? What does that mean ?
Keeping all her fatherly love aside, Draupada asked her to marry one of the pandavas for their political benefits and for taking the revenge of the past attack.
She was shocked to hear this...
'Marriage is not a game & she shall never marry someone who insulted her father & brothers in the past . '
She denied her father's wish .. & was firm on her decision .
'Why do we women get objectified soon after we grow up? I was the charm of this palace & now I am a mere tool to win the political game.. ?  '
Draupadi spent several nights questioning her worth .
[I used to envy princesses of the ancient times  , for the life they led .. but reality hit me hard here]
Seeing her worried , her father ... Gave her another option of jarasansha's grandson , which did nothing but irritated her even more.
She rejected every proposal and indulged herself into the kingdom affairs . Slowly, she became the right hand of King draupada  !! No one was wronged under draupadi's rule .
News of pandavas getting killed by the conspiracy of their cousins in the lac-house in varnavrat devastated  the king for he still had a hope that draupadi will agree to marry one someday .
Draupad decided to organize a swayamvara for his daughter draupadi ...
Draupadi was not happy , she was afraid that how it would be possible to choose the right groom in a moment .

Swayamvara 

On the day of the swayamwara , Draupadi gave a final look in the  mirror & proceeded to the great Hall .. Her divine beauty brought an enthusiasm in the monarchs who came from all corners of bharatvarsha.. they had no other desire but draupadi. . . !!
A fish was fixed on a rotary , and monarchs had to Target  the fish  seeing its reflection in the water below.
The task seemed easy but was not.
Most of them could not even lift the bow.
Karna was the first one who could manage to lift the bow  but failed to Target ..
& Then at last , a brahmin poor man from audience came for his chance at winning the most beautiful princess of bharatvarsha.
Draupadi looked straight into his eyes.. call it an intuition or a  forth messenger but she knew he will do it ! The poor man .. before looking at the reflection of the fish.. looked at the alluring princess with the affection flooding out of his eyes  as if he knew what he is going to own .
Draupadi closed her eyes and prayed for the man ...She could see her future in that man ...it was too soon to even think that way.. but things got too magical to even ignore that thought .
The man targeted the fish with all the five arrows . He was too skilled to miss even a single one .
Everyone present in the hall started shouting for they didn't find him apt for the princess. .
Even draupadi's brothers & father disagreed on giving her hand to a poor man  .
But before anyone could take any  action , draupadi walked down the stairs .. with the Garland in her hand & in a moment ,She was a new bride of a poor Brahmin man .
She was relieved that now she will be exempted from all the political affairs .. she could now influence people even though She will be deprived of all the luxuries she got in her natal house.
But she was sure that  this man will be worthy of all the sacrifices ...
There grew an aggression in the public .. but the man managed to take her bride away with the help of his brothers. .

[And here began the fate of draupadi ... ( The most cursed woman)]  


       Wife of 5 Men 


As soon as she reached her new home.. she met an old lady ..she guessed it to be her mother-in-law .  The lady was mesmerized by the beauty of princess of panchal. 
After blessing her , She revealed the biggest truth    ....
" These 5 boys are sons of pandu ..and the one you married is Arjuna . The most skilled Archer of the bharatvarsha . "
"Mother Kunti??" ...all draupadi managed to speak .
"Yes " .
Draupadi felt numb.. but there were even more shocking things that had to come her way.
Kunti continued ....
" As they came back home taking you with them.. I asked them to share the alm. . As a routine !!
And so , my daughter,  you will be wife of all the five brothers ".
Draupadi could not believe what she just heard ..  she couldn't move , couldn't speak back !!  Tears rolled down ... But they didn't  depict her state of mind.
She knew,  it is something no one will ever ask someone to do.. but she also knew.. Mother kunti ( who suffered a lot in her life right from her young days.. who brought up her 5 sons in all the miseries where everyone wanted them to die)  will not say anything just for the sake of saying.
"These 5 brothers are strength of each other.. if they ever split .. .there will be no sign of pandavas and so, I want you to be the binding force between them.. No other woman can do this but you Princess draupadi.And I can't take my words back. "....Kunti  spoke straight .

[How mean Mother Kunti !! ] 

  Draupadi didn't say anything.

"What a curse!!I never wanted to marry a pandava ... Arjuna you played me. !!you don't deserve my love ! !
And what were my sins that I have to live in a polyandrous wedlock??why do I have to sacrifice the joy of a simple marital life? I can't think of any other man but him.. she wept silently !! 
 keeping all her emotions aside,She walked to mother Kunti and asked..
"Mother Kunti ... Do you see the slandering forthcoming ?? How people will take this ? What will they  call me? How history is going to describe me.?"

Kunti replied ... " Princess,your honour will always be the prime motive of all the brothers .. they will never let you down.And if you talk of history .. I assure , you will be the immortal empress ."

Draupadi ,after a while, brought her conditions ....
" MOTHER,I will live with one of them at a time(for a year) and rest of the brothers can't desire me as wife in that period . "
Kunti agreed to her conditions.
Draupadi.. expected mother Kunti to allow her to live  her first year of marriage with Arjuna.. (her rightful husband & her Love ) but No... Being the eldest , yudhistira was to be her first husband.
[ How weird it feels ... Isn't it ?? I felt weird while writing this.. and you must be  feeling weird right now reading this shit .... !! Now think about the woman who had to actually live this life against her will .. knowing that even after all the sacrifices and sufferings. . there will be no good deeds of her mentioned ever. She was right indeed]

After 2 years , it was her time to live  with Arjuna ... Draupadi craved for this moment!!
She was finally with  her love , her rightful husband .
She had already imagined all the possible awkwardness that would arise because how the things turned up ... !!
She went around the fire to regain her virginity  .
[I don't understand this concept.. but it seems like male ego demands to be satisfied in every era.it was not that pandavas were not bedding other women during the intermittent periods. ] 


" It took me 2 years to get my wife " ... Arjuna said !! 
" Destiny delays somethings , so that a more can happen in the wake . " ... Draupadi replied sensing the pain they both had to go through during this period of separation !!
But this statement annoyed Arjuna .. it was his sarcasm in the first place.
He never wanted to share his wife. . He had  won her fighting against  all the monarchs in the swayamwar not to share her with his brothers or anybody.
In the depth of his heart , she uniquely belonged to him !!
He knew it was all the game of fate and nobody is to be blamed.. but he couldn't love draupadi the same way anymore.
At the end of her tenure with Arjuna.. draupadi realized that She is ... The draupadi , he won ... Draupadi , he has respect for ... Draupadi, his rightful wife .. ..draupadi , he sleeps with.. but not the draupadi , he loves anymore  .
Draupadi ... Once again shattered !! The only Beautiful gift she thought she had  in her life.. was arjuna's love but her cursed life..didn't spare her there too !!
[Time betrayes you .... When you are with the person you love.. !! One year felt like less than a month with Arjuna.. and now , she had to leave him ... And die craving for him for the next four years. ]
Before her next tenure with Arjuna.. he had married Subhadra , an innocent Beautiful girl from dwarka .
Arjuna was all in love with his new bride .. and lived happily with Subhadra.
It felt like a knife being continuously stabbed in her heart... Draupadi couldn't bear the pain !! She had immense jealousy for Subhadra .
But seeing him happy, she decided to spend her next years with nakula & sahadeva which was designated for Arjuna .
[This is the beauty of love , you can't bear that person loving someone else , you will have all the bad thoughts & jealousy ... But somewhere in the  hidden crevices of your heart you want him to be happy with whosoever he wants. ]



Game of dice 


Drapaudi became the queen of indraprashtha with yudhishtira  being the king !
She proved herself to be the best empress of that time ...from taking the toughest decisions to keeping  proper check on delicate knots of relationships, polity , and something that risked Extinction - Dharma !! 

Meanwhile , Subhadra tried her best to be in a good relations with draupadi. She used to call her 'elder sister' 
Draupadi slowly melted for her  innocence. But she couldn't deny sudden attacks of jealousy ...!! 

There came an invitation from kauravas for the game of dice .. Draupadi warned yudhishtira that it could be their new plan for harming you & brothers ... But yudhishtira was not in a mood to deny. Draupadi insisted to come along .. for she feared any misfortune. 

Draupadi was resting in a  Queen's room in hastinapur when a male guard entered who otherwise is not allowed . He asked her to come to the Sabha .. (it was King's order)
Draupadi.. sensed something is wrong !
She woke up .. and asked what happened in the game??  
"Samrat yudhishtira lost everything ... His empire , money, land , brothers , himself & then you !!  " replied the guard!!! 

Draupadi couldn't believe what she just heard .... !! 
She stood up & Walked fearlessly .. knowing what it means to lose a woman to an enemy ! She knew what her cursed fate is going to show her today... She knew her every step to the Sabha ..is bringing her close to the worst experience of her life.

On reaching the Sabha... Her eyes fell upon the five familiar faces ... Who were rooted to the spot . She kept staring at them.. not because she expected them to come to her recue  . . she knew they will never bend their principles .  She was just  seeking answers ..." If yudhishtira had lost himself .. then who gave him  the right to wager her ? " 
Does he not know.. what enemies do with a woman?
[Men can be highly disappointing at times]

In a moment.. dushashan held her by hair & dragged her to the main  Sabha .  Draupadi asked the elders of the family .. if this was the justice they believe in..? Bhisma , drona & everyone else kept quiet .!!

Kauravas came up with a condition.. that yudhishtira will be our slave according to what he has  lost.. and as draupadi is wife of all 5 of them..(so, only yudhishtira can't decide to wager her )  the other four can go home with her.. leaving yudhishtira to be our slave! 

Draupadi now understood what they were aiming at ? They were trying to  destroy the unity of the brothers. 
Something  that Mother Kunti nurtured all her life  .. something for which draupadi  sacrificed her Beautiful marital life, something for which , she lost arjuna's  love ...she just couldn't let those sacrifices  of hers go in vain !! 
She said "No" to bhima & Arjuna.. who were boiling with anger .. & wanted to protect her in any condition .. ! She knew it would be the biggest mistake if they leave yudhishtira to be slave to them. 

The insult of draupadi didn't end there.. she was dragged & disrobed ....!!  They started pulling out her garments !! 
Karna .. who failed at her swayamvara .. called  her slut for having 5 husbands.. !!
[LOSER]

Eventually, Krishna came to her rescue , and she was saved !! 
There were remarkable oaths from bhima & Arjuna In that Sabha...bhima promised to kill DUSHASHAN & DURYODHAN .... & Arjuna promised to kill KARNA..for his words !! 
[ I guess , everyone knew about this scene.."draupadi ka cheer haran" the most shameful scene of Mahabharata ..but the thing we missed knowing ..was how draupadi saved the unity of the brothers. She knew if they ever split ,they will fail to win over kauravas. .She was insulted & disrobed still it was she who brought the brothers out of trauma of that fateful day.
She didn't lose courage and still believed in her husbands & her own capabilities  . When they lost the second game of dice , she insisted to come to exile with them and one year of incognito period. ]


Exile of 12 years

During the period of exile of 12 years.. pandavas were sure of forthcoming war.. !! They started preparing  for the one.
Arjuna was sent for penance for the pasupastra (weapons of war) .
He worked hard for years .. to get the weapon .Rest of the pandavas lived in jungle with draupadi ... making strategies for something which was inevitable now, THE WAR .

Draupadi missed Arjuna .. who was on his journey to gain supreme powers , she wanted to get a glimpse of him.. but deep down she knew .. the wait is long !!
 
[Love is the most powerful emotion.. but its power doesn't work beyond one's soul ..it will keep you awake, it will make you feel the emotional pain much more intense than the physical pain,it will make you cry ,  but it can't travel and affect the one who is affecting you ..]

Arjuna returned before the ending of their exile period with pasupastra ... He was more than happy to see his brothers and draupadi again after all this years  . 
Drapaudi realized she was not the one he longed for.. he would have if she was his exclusive wife.. not the shared one !!
[A woman's love is always unconditional .. she loved him when he was a poor Brahmin boy leaving all her luxuries behind , she still loved him when his true identity was revealed .. though she never wanted to marry a pandava . She loved him even when he married 3 other women on his will...she still loved him  when he had already unloved her ...!!
But a man's love is always conditional .. every damn emotion will have a pinch of ego sprinkled on it .. he unloved her just because of the bizzare conditions of his own mother which drapaudi was bound to accept going against her will... !! I doubt if he went to swayamvara to show his skills or to really get her hands? ]

   

  War



After coming back from their incognito period at the palace of king virat , pandavas were all set for the war.. !!
They knew they will have lesser warriors than kauravas ...both the sides tried to expand their forces .. many kings were obliged to one side due to marital bonds and it was fairly simple decision to make. But other kings were in dilemma who were related to both the sides.
There ran a wave of  desire for victory , revenge , fame, recognition & justice ...!!
Draupadi knew ...her role was not be just of a woman... she had to be the leading arm of the pandavas.
She appointed her own brother Drishtadyumna  as Commander-in-chief ... As he won't be facing anyone of his blood relations on the enemy's side.. and his ruthlessness will help in making  strong strategies.
She asked Lord Krishna not to fight in the battlefield ... because if he did, that would have been a war between Adharma & god for she knew the supreme power he was. She wanted it to be a war between Dharma & Adharma ... Between kauravas & pandavas !! It was to be a victory of "Right"  over "wrong" !!
She even brought her  own sons to the battlefield who had not even crossed their juvenile age for she knew this is going to be an immortal tale for the world.. and No one should dare to call her sons coward.
Finally , it was the beginning of the war.. draupadi and other women of the house did the rituals before sending the warriors to the battlefield . With every tilak on the forehead of every man . ..they prayed for their safe return  . Every man related to them... from fathers to brothers to husbands to sons.. were going to the battlefield .  The biggest fear of the war lies at home..with the women ..!!
[ I can relate those strong ladies to the women who send their husbands , brothers & sons to borders.. not knowing when is the last time they are seeing them.Never sure if the next time they will come home by walking on their feet or wrapped in  a  tiranga. I  feel very weak of a woman when I realize I can never gather that strength .. I can never dare to imagine someone related me is on the verge of death 24×7 ... My high salute to the family of soldiers]
By the end of 12th day of Mahabharata ... ( )
There was now more bloodlust , more rage & less warriors to fight on both the sides..
And the worst of all ...there were now deep cracks in the relationships of the pandavas..
Yudhishtira , following morals when kauravas went down to adopt  morally wrong ways to win.
Bhima's  extra aggressive participation & not caring for the blood relations ...
Arjuna.. felt weak with emotions for everyone who was ever related to him.
Nakula &. Sahadeva .. being extra patient.
It was tough for them to settle for one thing  .. when all five of them were too different !
[ The role of draupadi is always underestimated when one talks about Mahabharata .. she was the soul who bound the five pandavas ...She could bring five different thought processes to one single ground. . And settle them for one decision.
Mother Kunti was not fool back then in tying draupadi to all her sons and sticking by her decision.. She was aware of what this princess of panchal was capable of . She was the driving force.]

Draupadi used to chant the name of each warriors in her prayer... When they left for the battlefield every morning.. on day1 it took her more than an hour to finish... And on day 15 it was a matter of few minutes.

By now.. pandavas had lost their sons (abhimanyu & ghatotkachh )...

Draupadi suppressing her own grief .. stood like a pillar for the women(Subhadra & uttara)  in the house who wept hysterically on the loss of abhimanyu ... She had made herself stone hearted & went with the flow of the war.. !!

[When we heard the news of pulwama attack where 42 of our CRPF jawans were killed... How badly everyone of us was shattered , I still shiver when I re-visualize how those 42 bodies wrapped in tiranga were placed in a row.. Now, think about the same dreadful scene happening for 18 days continuously!! The infinite pain of Mahabharata was something beyond human threshold]
By the end of every day.. draupadi checked for the losses , proper meals , first-aids to every tent , any unforeseen disease caused by the decaying bodies on the battlefield . And at last ... she checked  Emotional well-being of each of the pandavas .
     
Arjuna broke down with  nostalgic sentiments when  he had to kill his great-grandfather bhisma ... drapaudi  knew this way he will never be able to give his best ... And can't kill someone who has the power to choose his death.
She broke the rule.. and entered kauravas' camp .. to ask bhisma about the secret of his death !! Bhisma gave her hint .. and She spent her whole night battling with the riddle  .she tried to remember every little detail that a priest told her about bhisma when she was a child.This is how they could kill bhisma as well.
Bhima killed dushashan .. for he had promised and draupadi who was even afraid to look at the blood in her young years.. bathed her hair with his blood...(He had dragged her by her hair in the Sabha)   !! This is what the lust of revenge makes you !!
Being an IRON lady..with no  sign of heart for about 16 days ... one day drapaudi​ felt her veins not working.. She didn't prayed for any warrior . .didn't supervise any activities .. She didn't check on any women ... She couldn't move herself.. !! She just curled her fingers to squish her feelings.. It was the day.. when Arjuna had to face karna in the battlefield.
[You can either be a strong person or a  lover , they say !!
And I have never heard anything more true  than this.]
She never doubted Arjuna .. her garlanding husband .. but she knew the only man in this bharatvarsha  who could compete with Arjuna is karna . She hoped and prayed for arjuna's victory.
[The fear of losing the one who is your life is equal to trenching the heart out of one's body.
There is no after-life of yours if that one person is gone. ]
She wished the fate of swayamvara to repeat itself .. ( Arjuna can't fail) .
Draupadi never felt this weak ever in her life-span ...
She knew the history will remember her as a woman who slept with five men .. not as a woman who only loved her garlanding husband till her last breath . But she wanted her love story to last till she is alive and for her to be alive .. Arjuna had to live !!
That was the longest day of Mahabharata for her.. she hated herself for thinking about just one man when she had her whole family to lose including her sons ..she died  thousand times with the wrong thoughts ... It was the time of dusk and everyone returned from the battlefield... all her sons & brothers were back .(there was no sign of Arjuna) . She feared asking anyone about him for what if they said he is no more..!!
She was not breathing .. but stood like a rock (with no life) ... Admist the warriors coming back.. she heard someone say that karna is dead !!
And she was alive again.. breathing back with tears ...Her love had finally avenged her insult ... She didn't wait to see Arjuna coming back.. and left for her tent.. Because after 3 decades of swayamvara .. he didn't deserve to see that much of love !!
In the war of Mahabharata .. the victory of pandavas claimed many lives from both the sides making the characters immortal .
And for  Draupadi.. the princess of panchal & the empress of hastinapur ... Any women in her place would have weakened & the history would not have been the immortal tale .
She was aware of how the  world is going to remember her ..
[ A SINFUL WOMAN .. the sole reason for the Mahabharata ].
[ A CHARATERLESS WOMAN .. who disregarding the popular practice of the times.. served 5 men . ]
[ A DISROBED WOMAN... Shame for bharatvarsha ]
Nobody names their daughter "draupadi"..whereas we have surplus number of Arjuna, yudhishtir , Nakula & Sahadev !!For they were the great doers.. and draupadi .. she was "a sinful woman" !!Right?

 YOU  know what I believe...
Draupadi was the sole reason why pandavas could win the war of kurukshetra.
Moreover, kauravas tried to assassinate pandavas when draupadi was not even married to them. So the war was destined to take place...even if there was no draupadi existed.

Draupadi ..didn't serve 5 men on her will.. but out of duty.And each of her husband were married to other women too.

Drapaudi was disrobed because her husbands had enemies .. and being a victim is not a choice .
She was a boon for the pandavas.. she turned the fortunes of sons of pandu..
   She was an epitome of strength !!
  A TRUE EMPRESS INDEED !!

Let's slow down !!

This 30-60seconds reel culture is taking too much from us. I find people losing interest halfway through conversations. Their minds wander i...