I Deserved Loyalty !!

Gone are the days when We clicked our little fingers to end friendships & it was quickly re-generated using the other two fingers !! our anger & love had always been a finger away !! It was very convenient to switch over ! Using our fingers for the same   signified that everything was in our own hands & so we never lost our friends  !! We played together , fought & played back !!
Gradually we grew up to our more complex selves  ...& Our developmental sequences followed in friendships too...
As per the sayings .. as we grow up we start to understand another person's perspective & so the bond is stronger in grown-ups !!
But here where I am standing today .. I can see the worst thing in life is growing up & learning the things we never thought ever existed !!
Attachment!! Love !! Jealousy!! Loyalty!! Hate !!
These words are too dangerous  .. but inevitable ! It is a cycle of these words that revolve around you & hence.. it is never the same thing that you will come across!!

But , How are we supposed to react when we suddenly get ditched by the people we love ??
Can I use my childhood tricks to re-generate the relations?? Will that work?? Is this love still the game of just the fingers away ??

No ?.... Why??
Because .. we are GROWN-UPS and WE UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE !! IRONY!!

I am 25 & I learned every single entity of the words mentioned above  in this two and a half decades of my life.
But .. this is something new.. how am I suppose to unlove ?? How can you simply detach .. if someone's mask suddenly falls off ?
But you can't continue with them either....

I remember....
having soul-connections with them !!
I remember....
being the first one to know about everything that happened in their lives .
I remember.....
being their "go-to-person"  and vice -versa !!

I remember...
Talking to them till the dawn .. & hating them for dozing off while I am still talking.

I remember ...
Sharing my sorrows , joy & fears with them.

I remember ...
Being utmost vulnerable in front of them.

I remember ..
Their sudden changing colors ..

I remember ...
The people who were home to me changing into the guests on rent.

I Remember ..
Them being mean .. like the outer world  to which I thought they didn't belong .

I Remember ...
Myself believing that friends were real in F.R.I.E.N.D.S only !!

I remember ..
My soul falling apart !

I remember ...
Myself crushing the wet pillow with anger & hatred that enveloped the love inside !!

I remember ...
Myself doubting everyone around me. . even the loyal ones. . !!

I remember ...
The depressed Me !!

How quick everything can change ?? And how quick .. EVERYONE can change !!

Those positive vibes from them ... Back then , were not forced & certainly not false  !!
Therefore, I want to believe that their emotions were not contaminated from the beginning !!
How does that matter now?? Will that make me feel any  less ditched??
I guess yes..knowing they ever  loved me  will soothe my soul a bit .. may be !! May be not !! It hurts !! A Lot !!

Dear FATE ...

Why do we get to learn things only by losing ??? Why can't we be learning your lessons by keeping all our loved ones by our side & having everything right in the place.?? Why do you have to bounce up everything around to make us LEARN ???
Why can't​ we attain MATURITY  without losing people we love & without turning our charmed Life into misery ??
If this  is your forever strategy , then I was better off without maturity !!
They say , harsh lessons are meant to help , not hurt!! But this hurt is not helping yet !
I am now afraid of humans , I hate gatherings , I don't just have trust issues ..I have developed human issues !! ...I am no more the person I was .... !!

How unfair it is.. to face the ones who broke you , everyday !! Why can't we have different paths .. or the different timings .. in the same place  !!

Oh God.. those photographs in my phone.. are they going to get deleted themselves  ??or will I do that? No I can't ... They matter to me.. but they hurt too!! Those videos in my laptop . . Those handmade bday cards, those songs , those places we hunged out together at ...they all are with me. they will always be ! they will tear me apart Everytime.. I will gaze  at them!! I am scared !!

Nevertheless ....There had to be an end... !!
If any part of your body gets cancerous .. you get it removed  . . No matter how badly you love your every single cell..no matter how ugly your scar will be ..you do it .. because it is now toxic for you & removing it is the very last option you have  !!

The situation was same.. and so I followed.. !! I pushed them through the one way road from where there is no turning back.. !! Now, Every door is locked ... And the key is lost !!
Inside of  these doors  there is a loud voice "I deserved Loyalty " !!

The scar I have  will always be the sign of my right decision !!

But , Did you just ask if I finally UNLOVED  them...??
Ahh.. that will always be another STORY  !!